This is a letter derived from the thoughts of some of the women that I went to school with. Shortly after our final days together, we learned that one of our own would be starting the journey into motherhood. It was an example for all of us as doulas and future parents that pregnancy is a time of physical and mental growth. Her hardships and moments of self realization shaped us. She let us in in ways we never could have expected.
Reflection: January 6/7 2014
We were all chosen to be space keepers– no matter where we moved on to. Some of us were chosen to be her doulas– I was one of them. The night before her birth, I spent the evening tossing and turning in a pain that sent me to a different dimension. It was as if an animal was ripping into my wombspace, sending heatwaves through my veins and making me physically ill. I had never felt that way before. It was hours of recognizing something was taking over my being, my frame convulsing in a pattern so familiar yet unknown. It was something that had to pass on its own, something that didn’t seem as if it was mine. And then it went still.
The next day, I received the welcoming message to make my way over but time was not something that baby needed, time was not something that would hold purpose. Mother and child took the reigns on their rhythm.
The birth transformed them faster than we could have imagined, faster than mother could have imagined and a year later, we still sit in amazement for all that her, her partner and child have created.
To the women who have become my tribe:
We are all streams leading to a pond of greater purpose. No matter where we are in this world, our light and love is intrinsic to the divine womanhood, to the goddesses that ground our intention. I feel you within the tides of my being, you create the shore line to my authenticity. We are sisters, we are one.
Happy birth day L, J, R.
R, A, C, S.
Because you were Wild.
I met her many moons ago, a spirit I learned to observe from afar until I could begin to understand her energetics.
She was quiet, she wasn’t still.
I could always feel her stirring and creating, learning and contributing to healing.
She tried to let her power remain unknown, but then you were created.
Her body shifted and swirled through a rhythmic wave of sensations. You sent her to places she could never create in a frame of mind that placed importance on money or social structure.
You sent her to the wild.
As she created the space to grow, you showed her how to let go and transform. You showed her that she is divine and that between the two of you, you were going to tumble with an intention neither of you could predict. Her focus was your health; your focus was so much more than that. You showed her internal love, the ebb and flow of give and take.
You wanted her to feel, and you would never let her forget it.
With a connection I could only dream of, you demanded the desire for raw gratitude. You pulled down, you pulled from the sisters, the mothers, the fathers, the spirits. You demanded she feel you with her eyes closed, and she did. Her barriers broke and exposed the light I always knew was there, but it shone brighter than my eyes could see.
You wanted the world– She blinded us with your power. You reached for the elements and within the womb space of divine sensation, she presented them to you. You unearthed her world. You showed her what it was meant to be.
Your mother is a kind soul who without words knows exactly what your heart needs.
Grounded… Serene… Connected.. Rhythmic..
Because you were wild…. She fought for you, for your bond. She chased her own wildness and clung to her soul with each step in the dark. You have such a brave mama, and I have no doubt you will sprout and grow to be a courageously glorious woman like her.
With Love, from Ficus.