As we know, pregnancy is an exceptionally sensitive part of life. Between the hormonal and life changes, women experience a series of ups and downs that may be hard to overcome. Some women find stability in those around them while others find strength in activities and keeping busy. We all have our own ways of working through these discomforts. There is a piece to pregnancy that we might not have seen coming- the part where we doubt if we enjoy being pregnant. It’s not all we thought it would be. The ideas that have been created for us or by us around the idea of pregnancy probably won’t be how the 42 weeks actually go.. And that’s okay as long as we can understand what is going on in our bodies and learn how to work with it instead of against it.
As a 21 year old female who is just trying to make her mark in the world, I am not claiming to understand the feelings of a pregnant woman. I have never had a child, I have never raised a child, but I have experienced many ups and downs in life. I know how our minds can pin ourselves against our bodies, I know how doubt can creep through the door when you thought it was locked. I know how hormones can trigger so many different thoughts and feelings that might not be true. A dear Love in my life has even told me that I need to take a look at where I am in my cycle and dissect if these feelings are real or are they being triggered by hormones.
Well let me tell you: They are real. They are being triggered by hormones. But not every experience is based off hormones.
There are real fears and real situations that we need to understand and overcome. Some things are easier to work through and sweep off the mat, others are swept under and collect more questions and stress. But what can I do about it? What aspects of my life am I taking to the grave with me that I could usually brush off my shoulders? What realizations do I need to face to find contentment in my life? And most importantly (in my opinion), how can my feelings and experiences change and influence the lives and reactions of the ones around me.
As a doula, I am here to help. I am here to support self realization and the growth surrounding it. I am here to improve the thoughts and feelings throughout pregnancy, birth and postpartum. Through bad days, awkward appointments, family gatherings, over-eating at dinner, days of exploring, meditations, morning sickness, orgasmic births, miscarriage, sugar highs, mental breakdowns, everything- I am here. I don’t know what it feels like to have another set of toes kicking into your spine, but I do know what it feels like to be hit hard and what I did to understand the soreness. I’m not saying my way of dealing with these things is right for everyone, I am just saying it’s a way.
This morning, I attended a yoga class that really hit me hard. The instructor is a beautiful mother of two who makes me focus AND laugh through all the hardest poses. She makes the time pass, she makes me feel strong and most importantly she makes me realize that I have to be willing to change myself to see results. As the class was coming to a hard end she said to us
“Feelings, people, experiences- We don’t get what we want, we get what we need. The Universe works in interesting ways to give us what we need, but know that all things will pass. ”
I still can’t stop thinking about this.
Looking back at the experiences in my life that have changed me, I can truly say I have not always received what I wanted. I think everyone knows what it is like to be let down or get a different result than what you expected. But how much time do we spend exploring why we feel indifferent to not getting what we wanted? Better yet, how much time to we spend exploring the idea that the end result was what we needed? The universe works in strange ways, why can’t we accept these ways at times?
We usually give a huff and a puff and move forward or in some cases, hold onto this experience for way too long. We let it build up and struggle with letting go. We don’t fully acknowledge what is going on and then all of a sudden, time has passed. We can’t go back and change the way things were, we cannot alter our memory of the experience. Sometimes when we hold onto things, they can damage us or fill our memory with negativity- leave us thinking “I wish I could have experienced this differently.”
There may be parts of your pregnancy that you find more challenging than others. Maybe it’s overcoming morning sickness or learning how to deal with a lack of sleep and shortness of breath. Maybe these physical symptoms are challenging your mentality- Are you as strong as you thought you were? Are you cut out to be a mother? Did or did you not take care of yourself well enough prenatally?
Being pregnant doesn’t come easy for everyone: The feelings that come along with being pregnant will make you stronger if you decide to learn from them.
The feelings that come along with pregnancy will also pass.
Pregnancy is such an incredible time for self exploration- What if some of these feelings of doubt and discomfort can be relieved by actually acknowledging them instead of building resistance? I know that in my own struggles, exploration has solved a lot and has turned a lot of what would be negative experiences into ones that I have not only learned from, but enjoyed.
I was recently speaking with a Doula Sister about change and doubt, happiness and expectations. As we were talking, my love grew for the life changing pregnancy she is going through and how open she is to the physical and emotional feelings that are coming her way. The strength and understanding that she brings to each day as it comes and goes is remarkable. Each feeling, each cell as it goes, dies and regenerates, all of it. She inspires me to take a good look at the things around me and truly feel. She inspires me to find love and understanding and in talking with her, I even found the strength to understand some of the changes I am currently going through. If I can give one piece of advice to help you through your pregnancy, it would be to explore. This is what I drew from my conversation with her. I hope that you can find the guidance that you need in the universe through this.
Every pinch, twinge, and wave: It’s there to teach us something. May that be about our feelings towards how we handle things, may it be about growth itself. The important thing to remember is that these feelings will pass. Explore them while they are there- Why are you kicking like that baby? What position are you in today? Muscles: How are you working? How are you contracting to keep my body in a position that keeps me going? To my significant other- When you touch me in specific areas, how does that relieve or enhance what I am feeling? Sleep, why do you come and go as you do? Why am I feeling these certain things at certain times?
I am a firm believer in the act of writing. I write every day, sometimes even a few times a day to let out what I am thinking. So much self realization has been done by reflecting back on these writings. My biggest recommendation is to find something that lets you relieve your feelings but also lets you reflect on them to see your growth. You are always growing and improving, you are so incredibly strong. Write out what comes and goes. You can write a letter to your body or someone that you are having feelings towards. Get it out- positive, negative, questions, realizations. Write a letter to your baby, you are doing this growth together and another medium of communication can be really powerful. Even reading what you wrote can change your feelings towards a situation or stage of pregnancy. You can feel different tones, reflect as to why you felt that way- see if you can understand what was really going on. Ask yourself these questions. Talk though them with someone close or important to you. Talk to yourself, talk to your partner and definitely talk to your baby. Get into a meditative practice or relieve yourself through artistic expression.
While time passes so quickly, I want you to know that it is important. You deserve the time to understand yourself, your thoughts, your pregnancy and how you feel.
“Don’t discredit a momma-to-be for what real discomforts she has.. But finding peace within them is definitely necessary.”
If you need guidance through your pregnancy or just need someone to talk, please contact me. The universe works in interesting ways, so let’s explore how we can find what you need.
With Love, from Ficus.